Another day on the battlefield

10am 4/29/10

I am frustrated with the lack of communication between my dad, the oncology department, and doctors office. When we left the hospital they gave us a schedule of dates and times to be certain places. Dad was scheduled to have lab work drawn today, he got up early, after being up all night with the hiccups again, and went to the hospital only to be turned away. He was also scheduled to see his oncologist, and that was changed as well. So today was wasted. I got him to eat a little bit this morning.

I think he is preparing to die. He has been going on a shopping spree, speanding money like water. He bought us new patio furniture, and a kitchen aid stand mixer. Yes I wanted them but I didn’t need them. I don’t want him wasting his money on us. He doesn’t have prescription coverage, he needs to save his money for his medicine but how can I turn his lovely gift down?  On the up side he has been getting out of the house more than he has in months. He needs to learn to pace himself he gets winded easily with exertion. I have had to tell him more than once now to slow down. I think he is trying to make sure he gets it all done. I just don’t know “what it all” is.

We have dedicated a bathroom for his private use, per the home care nurse, Kesha’s recommendation. Since he is getting chemo it is excreted in his sweat, and waste. We have to double glove with special chemotherapy gloves to clean the bathroom, and he must wash his clothes separately. I don’t mind if it keeps my dad alive. I want him back to his normal self. I don’t know if it will happen, he is so weak now. Dad, or Popue as the kids call him, starts physical therapy today as well. The big kids(Sydney, Gina, and Guillermo) have been so good at helping him.  Alex, Aaliyah and Savannah don’t really know what is going on per se. They know he is sick, and are trying to be good around him. They really missed their grandfather when he was in the hospital. Alex would ask me every morning when he arose “Where is popue?” If he dies how am I going to explain it to him. 

My husband Will is my rock. He has been through so much death with me over the last 5 years.  Our 5th anniversary is on May 5th. My grandmother Hattie, died in 2005, my brother Eugene in 2006, and my mom Edna in 2008. It seems like we just get back into the land of the living when someone else turns up dead. I’m not ready for another funeral.

I am off to work. Have a great day.



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